Thursday, June 29, 2006

Morning funny...

"Some scholars have argued [that] the Constitution clearly states only Congress can declare war, and they are not allowed to simply delegate that authority to the president. However, you can get around that with the legal technique of taking the word constitution and adding the word shmonstitution to the end of it."

--Jon Stewart

(Hot AND funny as hell...a seriously lethal combination)

Monday, June 26, 2006

That certainly won't keep the doctor away....

Email from me to Mr. P:

You know you are having a rough day when you go down to the cafeteria to buy an apple...and then when you get back upstairs you realize that you bought a wax display apple....but you only realize it when you try to bite into it....

(i'm still hungry, too.)

It's true. I bought an effing wax apple. I suck. And the cashier let me. She sucks more.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

That very fun movie meme going around....

Both Brian and Heidi had this over at their blogs, and I thought it quite I thought I would join in. I am a movie quote nerd, so this meme is right up my alley. Let ye be warned, however, my taste in movies is rather schizophrenic.

The Rules:

A. Pick 11 of your favorite movies.
B. Then pick one of your favorite quotes from each movie.
C. Post the quotes on your blog.
D. Have commenters guess what the movie is.
E. Either strike out the quote once it has been correctly identified or place the guesser’s user name directly after the quote.
F. Extra points for knowing the actor or character’s name

Here we go...

1. "Rob, top five musical crimes perpetuated by Stevie Wonder in the '80s and '90s. Go. Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins, is it better to burn out or fade away? " Let me just say, right off the bat, that I am truly impressed with Amanda's knowledge of my movies. She got this one!

High Fidelity with Kelly's favorite - John Cusack. Said by "Barry," played brilliantly by Jack Black.

2. "And Master, sir, do not forget to specify, when time and place shall assert, that I am an ass."
Nice job, Lawren!

Much Ado About Nothing, said by "Dogberry," played by Michael Keaton.

3. "That's my wife, Carolyn. See the way the handle on her pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? That's not an accident."
Ow, ow - way to go, Chuck!

American Beauty, said by "Lester Burnham," played by my favorite, Kevin Spacey, about his wife, played by Annette Bening.
(Charles - if you don't get #2 and/or #8, I will be sorely disappointed!)

4. "Back when I was picking beans in Guatemala, we used to make fresh coffee, right off the trees I mean. That was good. This is shit but, hey, I'm in a police station."
thenambypamby rocks - answering the movie/character/actor. Woo hoo!

The Usual Suspects, said by "Verbal Kint/ Keyser Soze," played by Kevin Spacey...for which he earned his first Oscar - Best Supporting Actor.

5. "Oh who cares? That guy doesn't matter now! Let him stay locked up for another half an hour! The police will be here by then and there are TWO DEAD BODIES IN THE STUDY!"
Amanda again:

Clue the Movie, said by "Mrs. Peacock," played by Eileen Brennan.

6. "Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy!"
Gonna have to give this one to Kelly, as she chimed in first:

The Breakfast Club, said by "John Bender," played gorgeously by Judd Nelson.

7. "You'll be one of those grumpy old men sitting in the corner of a crowded cafe, mumbling to yourself, "My ass is twitching. Your people make my ass twitch."
Amanda once again! (I actually forced her to watch this one day - so I was hoping she would get it!):

French Kiss, said by "Kate," played by Meg Ryan

8. "What do they think I am? Dumb or something? Why, I make more money than - than - than Calvin Coolidge! Put together!"

Hint: There is a song with the same title as the movie. The lead actor has the exact same name as me...sort of ;) It is a classic, filmed in 1952...and is my probably my all-time favorite film. Here's another quote:

"Short people have long faces, and long people have short faces. Big people have little humor, and little people have no humor at all. "

Way to go, Gary!
Singin' in the Rain:
The first quote said by "Lina Lamont," played by Jean Hagen; the second by "Cosmo Brown," played by Donald O' Connor.

(Gene Kelly = Kelly Jean....get it?!)

9. "Sophomore dies in kiln explosion? Oh My God! I just talked to her last week... She was going to make a pot for me."
YAY for Lawren!

Animal House, said by "Otter," played by Tim Matheson....discussing the infamous "Fawn Leibowitz, from Fort Wayne, Indiana"

10. "Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit [shouts] don't fucking roll! Shomer shabbos!"
Although she hasn't seen it, Robin guessed correctly! (Robin, sweetie, you must see this movie!)

The Big Lebowski, said by "Walter," played (in his best role ever) by John Goodman

11. "Yeah, do you have the Beatles' White Album? Never mind, just get me a glass of hot fat. And bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia while you're out there."

Hint: The lead character also played characters named Arnold Babar, Dr. RosenRosen, Harry Truman (not the president), Ted Nugent (not the musician)and Mr. Poon...all in this movie.....and he loves the Lakers. Another famous quote:

"I'll have a Bloody Mary and a steak sandwich and... a steak sandwich, please. "

Nice job, Brian - even though it took a couple extra hints!
Fletch, said by "Irwin M. Fletcher"...or "Fletch F. Fletch"...or "Dr. RosenPenis...," played by Chevy Chase. Freakin' hilarious.

If you don't know for sure - that's okay...just take a guess!
Good luck, folks!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

What lawyers discuss after they have concluded the academic debate of thongs vs granny undies....

One of many intelligent email discussions between lovely lady lawyers, A, T, KS & KP:

T: I just love that A emailed all of us to tell her about her smooth a$$ in her granny panty undies. Classic.

KP: Because that is certainly what I wanted to read about while writing my reply memorandum to our MSJ...a smooth butt goes well with a claim for violation of riparian rights :)

A: Riparian is such a sexual word.

KP: God, I wish it's so not. It's two people bitching about boat docks. Not sexy in the least.

KS: It is if I ask you in a sexy voice whether you'd like to dock your boat in my...dock

KP: would have been sexy had you not used the same word twice.... How 'bout "pull your boat into my dock"????

Yep. Riparian rights, boat docks, and sex. Good times.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I beg to differ.

Amanda thinks she has on the most adorable shoes today. I disagree...check 'em out. Are they office appropriate? Well, to me, they are! Besides, no one sees my feet anyway- I sit behind a desk all day!

Friday, June 16, 2006

Matt Lauer & Britney Spears...seriously, y'all!

E.Spat discussed this a bit, and I HAD to second her emotion. Whoa.

If ever Brit needed the opportunity for a sort of image makeover, this would have been the perfect time. New hair, new look, no chewing gum, that kind of thing....but no. It was typical Britney, full of "y'all"s and "We're country" and bad extensions and Bubble Yum and the need for a root job and new mascara (and possibly a bath) as well as a see-through shirt and pink bra and pregnant belly and denim micro mini-skirt and flipflops.

And, honestly, I was sad for her. Not just for not having the decency to kick K.Fed. to the curb, but for being seemingly overwhelmed with the responsibilities she now has as a new wife and mother....and for having the stalkerazzi catch every oops and slipup that all new wives and mothers experience....

However, my sadness slowly dissipated with every air quote that Brit used as the interview progressed. It was bad. At first, I counted the air quotes...I think I had gotten to about 6 or 7 in the first half hour, but then I gave I was completely dumbfounded by her inability to answer Lauer's questions - not for avoidance's sake, but instead, apparently without the ability to formulate coherent and cogent responses...she would start off okay, but then ramble off into an oblivion. Yikes.

My suggestion for Brit - beyond the obvious wardrobe and divorce lawyer consults, of course, would be- read a few books....maybe take some classes at the local community college...something - anything! A mind is truly a terrible thing to waste - and hers seems to be moving closer and closer to the trash can.

Step it up, Brit - you can do better! If not for you, then for Sean P. and Baby #2....they certainly aren't going to get it from their father!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Insert Jimmy Buffett lyric here.

Sorry, dear readers, for not posting in a while. I just got back from a wonderful vacay and am swamped at work, playing catch up. My hubby, Mr. P. and I, went to lovely southwest Florida and stayed at this fantastic resort, just north of Naples (or as my hubby called it all week - Nipples.) We had an amazing time - ate, drank, parasailed, jet skied, drank, shopped, ate, and spent a lot of time just being beach bums. Let me put it this way, I read about 7 books while there. We had to go to Barnes & Noble TWICE so I could buy more books.

It was truly heaven - me, a beach chair, the Gulf of Mexico, a cute Beach Butler bringing me pina coladas, my hubby, and my books. AWESOME.

Oh - and speaking of books - Robin, listen up - I read THE BEST book while there. It is called Stupid-------> and Contagious by Caprice Crane. Read about it here. I plan to post more about it once I have the book in front of me, but needless to say, I literally laughed out loud on more than one occasion. I think the people around me (including Mr. P.) thought I was nuts.

So, that's that. I'm back. More on books, law life, and general gabbery to come!