Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Bizarre Celebrity Crushes

This was the topic of today's lunch conversation. It started off by way of comparing Dr. Derek Shepherd aka Dr. McDreamy of Grey's Anatomy to Matthew Fox's character on Lost (I don't watch - so I don't know his name..."Charlie" from Party of Five...that guy), and who I liked better. Of course, being that I don't watch Lost, I said McDreamy.

Then I said that I liked Dr. Gregory House better than both of them. One of my lunch companions had never seen House M.D., so he did not know who Hugh Laurie was. My other lunch companion commented that my celebrity crushes are rather odd and tend to "run the gamut." I agreed with him wholeheartedly. I have BIZARRE celebrity crushes.

Exhibit A - My top three bizarre celebrity crushes in no particular order:

(1) Richard Schiff: "Toby Zeigler," The West Wing (If you read my blog - if you have EVER read my blog- you will know that I am a huge Toby's that whole tortured soul thing. I can't help it.)

(2) Hugh Laurie: "Dr. Gregory House," House M.D. (Love the scruff, love the eyes, love the biting sarcasm. Plus, its that whole tortured soul thing. I can't help it.)

(3) Alan Rickman - in most anything he has ever done: Dogma, Harry Potter series, Truly, Madly, Deeply, and most importantly, Sense & Sensibility. (I think it's the voice...or in the case of Colonel Brandon, Rickman's character in S&S, the whole tortured soul thing again....)

Honorable Mention: My favorite TV crime solvers
William Petersen: "Gil Grissom," CSI
Mandy Patinkin: "Jason Gideon," Criminal Minds
Anthony LaPaglia: "Jack Malone," Without a Trace

Alright, people - time to own up to your own bizarre celeb crushes! Let's hear 'em...the weirder, the better!!!!!

And if I see one "Brad Pitt" or "Orlando Bloom" listed, I will vomit.

(Apparently, I am not alone in this topic. Check it out!)

They named him Calamari.

This could possibly be THE BEST recap ever.


If you have been watching AI this season and have a few minutes and want to wet your pants due to excessive laughter, I beg of you... go here. It is the most brilliant, randomly awesome thing that I have ever read.

*cleaning up coffee that came out of my nose*

"Headed for a Heartbreak..."

Yep. I heard Winger on the radio this morning.

It's gonna be a good day....

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Finale recap....

Silly montage....Meatloaf (ew)...Chris with Live...Chris is still smokin' hot....just in case you didn't know....Wolfgang Puck and Kellie Pickler and some escargot (actually rather funny)...Oh, look, Melissa McGhee...another silly montage....some goofy awards...ooh, Mary J. Blige and Elliott (damn, we could see who wore the pants in that duet)...yikes, what the eff happened to Clay Aiken, he looks like Pee Wee Herman, post-masturbation scandal...I do still love that voice, though...Ruben must have had a previous engagement....Brokenote Cowboys (hee.)...Toni Braxton sexing up Taylor during a non-sexy "In the Ghetto"...a Burt Bachrach medley...oh shit, they have Fetus Covais singing "What's New, Pussycat" it......HOLY CRAP - IT'S PRINCE!!!!! YAY!!!

Well, was it Katharine McPhee or the silver fox, Taylor Hicks................................

*head cocked*

Yup. No surprise there. Thanks, American Idol, for entertaining me for six, onto "So You Think You Can Dance?" *head cocked* WOO!

Friday, May 19, 2006

Do you know what my diastolic is?????*

I was going to recap's this week's American Idol, but....I just can't do it. I am sad that Elliott is gone, I am pissed at TPTB who decided it would be a good idea to plaster his name in huge white letters on the screen, and further, I seriously just coughed up a lung. Good times.

(But don't worry, dear readers who will be meeting me at one of my favorite downtown restaurants on Saturday evening...all will be well....or at least all will be doped up on Dayquil and Blue Moon!)

*For those of you that lived under a rock during the 1980's:
Cameron Frye, Ferris Bueller's Day Off**
**Ferris' response: "Take some Pepto Bismol, get dressed and come on over, I'm tired of this...."
(I could go on for days with this movie.)

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

"Thanks, Mr. Obvious!"

Katharine McPhee + "Over the Rainbow"= OUTSTANDING.

More on this later....but right now, preparation for tomorrow's pro se plaintiff deposition at one of this state's fine correctional facilities....

Monday, May 15, 2006

The West Wing RIP

Last night was the series finale of The West Wing. I don't know what I expected from the end of this series, but yeah, that wasn't it. I really wished they would have spent less time with what the new president and his staff would be doing and more time on what the old guard's plans were for the future. I think that the script alluded to CJ's plans to go back to California and work for pseudo-Bill Gates and be with Danny (yay!)....they further alluded to Will's plans to run for a seat in Oregon (huh?)....and the president did discuss with Charlie his plans to attend Georgetown Law (yay again!).

Okay, so basically, what I missed in this ep was Toby. Not a surprise to anyone who knows me. I just hoped that TPTB would have made more of the Toby/Bartlet thing than just whether Jed would sign the warrant. I mean, Toby wasn't even in the episode!!!!!!! What the hell. Ronna had more face time during the ep than Toby. Boo!!!!!!

I guess I thought that they would take us forward to the dedication of the Bartlet Presidential Library as they did in the first episode of the this season - a kind of coming full circle, if you will. But no. They didn't. Instead, I listened to Keb Mo play guitar, watched Bram move in to Charlie's office and be an ass about it, and got bored as Helen Santos went on about having to attend 9 balls.

BUT - on a positive note, I loved seeing the pilot episode - what a drastic contrast from the finale. Sam and Toby and Josh and CJ mixing it up with the religious right....woo hoo. So very good. I think I will be purchasing the first few seasons on DVD!

Anyway - overall, I give the finale a B. And really, it is just b/c there was no Toby.

*sniff, sniff*

Friday, May 12, 2006

Don't Be Cruel

So this week's AI was a shocker, a shocker* indeed.

The hottie has left the building.

Chris and his really awful sunglasses and sexy bald head....gone.

This week was Elvis week....and Tommy Mottola week. Huh? Beyond the fact that Mottola came off as a complete tool, the show was quite entertaining. Elvis certainly had a great book of songs - catchy melodies and great lyrics. Here's a quick breakdown:

Taylor started us off with a twitchy, Vegas lounge act version of "Jailhouse Rock." It was typical Taylor. I didn't love or hate it. His second song, "In the Ghetto," though completely politically incorrect, was really lovely. I had never heard the song before and really enjoyed it. I have always said that, when Taylor just stands still and sings, he is an amazing vocalist. He truly feels the music and has a great sense of the emotion behind the words. Loved it.

And of course, Taylor is safe - the guy has never been in the bottom group. The Soul Patrol (Woo!) is in full force.

Chris (sniff, sniff) chose "Suspicious Minds" as his first chart of the evening. Beyond the really awful sunglasses, this was a great performance. Seriously, once again, his stylist needs to be punched in the neck. As for the music, I just love this song and Chris really did it justice. His second choice, "A Little Less Conversation," was panned by Simon for being boring until the end, with redundant, low notes. Well, damn, Simon, I know you are British and all, but, dude, that is exactly how the song is written. Had he never heard the song? I thought it was really well done and loved the energy that he put into his performance.

I am shocked and saddened that he was voted off. (Apparently so was he, and Kat..and the rest of America)

Katharine...Kat, Kat, Kat. What the hell happened to you this week? A case of the nerves? I was truly disappoined. But, honestly, I think she went in at a huge disadvantage being the only girl during Elvis week. Her first song, which I wasn't sure whether was "Hound Dog" or "All Shook Up," or a medley of both, was a mess. She danced around like a mental patient and forgot the words and worst of all, was wearing the most awful grey shirt I have ever seen. Seriously. Hated it. Her second song, "Can't Help Falling in Love with You," started out nice....soft, delicate, sensitive....then got completely away from her. I agreed wholeheartedly with Simon's apple pie/whipped cream was just too much...too many notes, too much volume...and once again a completely unattractive outfit. She really needs to just sing the song....without all of the added bullshit on top (i.e. floor writhing, bad dancing, panty showing....okay, leave the panty showing....but everything else needs to go.).

Although in the bottom two - Amazingly - she is safe for another week. Grrr, America, grrrrrr. boy, Elliott. Elliott rocked this week with two great performances. The first was entitled something with the word "Dream" in it ("I Have a Dream"? "Dream Weaver"? "Dream a Little Dream"? F*ck. I can't remember.) Anyway - it was awesome. I got weepy. Yes, I am retarded. I just love him and his underdog-ness. Plus, vocally? Come on, there is nothing better. And he really has gotten cuter. His stylist, unlike Chris' and Katherine's, needs a freaking raise. His second song, "Trouble," was just excellent. He showed some attitude and personality and it rocked.

Elliott - top two with Taylor!!!!!!! Woo hoo...."Come on ride the E-train, and ride it!"

I am truly psyched for next week...I haven't heard what they will be singing next week...but each will get three songs. So stay tuned, dear AI fans, for some great stuff Tuesday night!

Kelly P. OUT.
*Shocker - Kel...that one was for you.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Law Firm Malady

From Explaining the Inexplicable: The Rodent's Guide to Lawyers:

Partner Paranoia: Fear of answering interoffice phone calls and venturing into hallways, rest rooms, elevators, and other places where partners lurk.

Hee hee. Luckily, I do not suffer from Partner Paranoia; however, a number of my friends do! I wonder if there is some sort of vaccination you can get for this disorder???? Beyond NOT practicing law, of course!

Friday, May 05, 2006

Okay, seriously.

What the f*ck's up with Tom Cruise's hair? The dude has little spiky bangs. He looks like a douchebag.

That's all.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

So. Not. Impressed.

With this week's AI. Admittedly, I missed most of the first half...which was when the true crap was slung by the performers...but I was lucky enough to jump in during Taylor's performance of "Play that Funky Music, White Boy." Taylor (and his eye-gouge inducing shirt) worked the audience into a state of mass hysteria during this song, which to me (and Simon) was like watching my cousin Bruce's drunken version of "Sweet Caroline" which he sang at his wedding: slightly painful, yet completely adorable. It was alright for me, Dawg...

During the commercial, I learned from Mr. P. that Chris' performance of "Renegade" was the best of the first half, that Kat totally McButchered Phil Collins' "Against All Odds," that Paris's rendition of "Kiss" was embarrassing to watch and reminded him of how old he was, and that a Mack truck could have driven through Elliott's vibrato during "On Broadway." Hmmm...not a very good start to the evening.

On to the second half - Billboard Top Ten...but apparently, there are about 729 Billboard Top Tens, so this really wasn't much of a restriction.

Elliott started us off with "Home" by Michael Buble. Now I totally dig Michael Buble, and I am on the E-Train all the way, so I really enjoyed this. I have heard others complain that it was boring...but I don't really think Elliott's draw is his big, vibrant personality...but his voice. And his voice was lovely. Mr. P., however, said it sounded "white trash," which, to this day, I have no idea what it means...maybe someone can clue me in. I loved it...Paula loved it...Randy said some shit about a dawg with a "yo" thrown in there for good measure, and Simon snarked on the lyrics about "going home." Well. Thank you, Simon. I am sure that was quite helpful for ol' Elliott.

Next up - Katharine....on her knees....with two guys beating on box drums. She sang "Black Horse and Cherry Tree"....this whole thing was just bizarre and distracting and ever so pornographic with the writhing and sliding and shit. But luckily (or not so luckily depending on the viewer), she kept all her clothes on. Overall- Vocals: great. Staging: completely ridiculous crap.

Paris decided to take a risk and go with a Mary J. Blige song...while wearing what appears to be "I Dream of Jeannie" bottoms and a standard military issue cropped jacket. It appears that Paris was having a LITTLE too much fun with her Fashion Plates before she got ready for the show. (Did anyone else play with Fashion Plates - you know, the little plastic tiles that had different parts of outfits on them and the you put them together and put paper over it and used colored pencils to color over them to create a picture???? Just me? It might have been the Poor Man's Paper Dolls or something, I don't know...but I freakin' LOVED 'em.) Anyway, I thought that, besides the outfit and the Tootie Ramsey hair, she did an excellent job. She pulled out some tough vocals - singing a Mary J song is never easy - and had a good time with it. However, she is destined to be gone....she has spent waaay too much time with Ryan over the past couple weeks. Au revoir, Paris!

Ooh, Chris is up know how I know? Flames. The set always goes up in flames whenever Chris hits the stage. Overkill? Probably. Is he still all hot and cuffed in leather purchased at Hot Topic? Certainly. Is he probably going to sing a Fuel/Nickelback/Creed song? Most definitely. Now I had never even heard this song...nor had I heard of the band. I think I have been spending too much time with my books on tape. But, regardless of my cluelessness, it was apparent to me (and the judges) that Chris' singing (or the vocalist's techinical term: screaming his mother f*cking ass off) is doing some serious damage to his cords...his veins are popping out of his neck, for God's sake! He might want to think about SINGING a song next week...that might help.

Finally, Taylor closed the show with a Beatles song. Wha?!?! I'm sorry, the effing Beatles? Now Taylor, you already did a song for the year you were born, you don't get to do another one! What Billboard chart are we talking about? Oh, the re-issue chart. Very sneaky, Taylor...and very good. I love when Taylor just sings...he really does have an amazing voice and a true sense of musicality...even though I wonder if all his synapses are firing. Seriously. Here's my imitation of Taylor: "Woo!" "Soul patrol!" "Woo!"


Well, as predicted, Wednesday came along and it was goodbye to Paris. No one was surprised by this, except maybe Elliott who looked as though he might throw up on the spot. Next week...a trip to Graceland and a workshop with none other than......Tommy Mottola. What the f*ck does Tommy Mottola have to do with Graceland? Now if they were doing old Mariah Carey songs, it would make sense. Hopefully, next week, Ryan will connect those dots for me. Until then....

Kelly P. OUT.

Monday, May 01, 2006

"Do you hear the people sing...singing the song of angry men..."

So I went to a high school production of "Les Miserables" last weekend. And beyond the fact that it was seriously the LONGEST experience of my life (yeah, the first act was an hour and a half), it was not near as les miserables as I thought it would be. Apparently, this was the watered down high school version, but I didn't see it. Mind you, I haven't seen this show since I was in high school (at the Assembly Hall on the University of Illinois campus - not really the best place to see a show), so I don't have the greatest memory of the show itself; however, it is one of my favorite CDs. So I definitely know the music and I can tell you this - all the songs were there. And all the lines were sung. Therefore, I have to give the students major kudos for pulling off such a tough production.

Originally, I was not thrilled with the prospect of sitting through a two-hour high school musical (certainly if it wasn't the really cute one on the Disney Channel). But, because Mr. P. was playing in the pit, it was either that or sit at home watching reruns of "Sell This House" with Tanya and Roger...and I knew I was going to do that on "Les Miz" it was! And honestly, I was quite impressed.

Dinner out with the hubby and a Broadway show...not a bad way to spend a Saturday night.