Monday, April 03, 2006

"I mean even if he had a nice personality and a cool car... although you'd probably have to ride in the backseat because his nuts would ride shotgun."

One of the greatest stories my husband tells about his college dorm life experience was about a game that he and his buddies used to play called "trolling." The object of the game was to see who could come home from the house parties with the ugliest girl. The guy with the ugliest girl wins. Okay, I know...that doesn't sound very funny...or nice...and I am sure many of you are wondering why I married the guy...and others of you who know my husband are not at all surprised by this. Anyway...

At one point during the year, they made the decision for the game to end. Not because they thought it was disgusting or degrading to women...or to themselves for the matter. No. The game came to end because, one night, Keith's roommate brought home who the guys believed was the ultimate "troll." And sadly, the poor girl couldn't help her condition. What made her so very special? Well...

The girl had a wooden leg and a glass eye.

No shit.

A wooden leg AND a glass eye.

Holy crap. How much would that suck? And how long did it take Keith's roommate to find this chick? And who has a WOODEN leg anymore???

I say all of this as background to say... that I just read the funniest line in my client's deposition...and I quote:

Plaintiff's Lawyer: Whose discretion is it -- well first of all, is it discretionary with your office whether people receive assistance who seek assistance?
Defendant: You may need to rephrase that, please.
Plaintiff's Lawyer: Well, for example, if I come to your office and I say, "I need some help to pay my heat for December --"
Defendant: Uh-huh.
Plaintiff's Lawyer: "--and here's my heat bill and I'm unemployed. And I only have one leg --"
Defendant: Uh-huh.
Plaintiff's Lawyer: "--and I need help--"
Defendant: Uh-huh.
Plaintiff's Lawyer:--who decides whether or not I receive the help or not?

"And I only have only leg..."?????? Stop it. Why does that kind of shit crack me up?

I really need help.

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