The dreaded bar application has been turned in.
I have copied, and graphed, and charted my previous residences and places of employment. I have to admit that I "guesstimated" a bit on the dates of said employment. I mean, come on, I have no idea how long I worked at Arby's in 1995, nor do I know the address of the Decatur Park District where I worked the summer after my freshman year as a singer/dancer.
I got my picture taken and laminated it on to a little card with my name on it. WTF??? I don't get it.
I copied my ONE ticket and an Order Book Entry for my traffic violation...for which I pled to an ordinance violation to get out of paying! Yes, my dear readers...I have been convicted of the ordinance violation of littering. How do you think that will go during my character and fitness interview?
"Ms. P., it says here that you littered. Wait, wha? You littered?"
"Well, that is what I PLED to, but in all actuality, I ran a stop sign. But it was 6:00 in the morning and there was no one around and the cop was an asshole...I mean, he told me to stop playing with my hair and pay more attention to the road...come on, I think that is sexual harassment...okay, so I DID run the stop sign, but couldn't afford the ticket...so instead I pled to littering....I mean, littering is better than 'failure to yield,' right?"
"I am sorry, Ms. P., but such behavior is completely unlawyerlike. No bar exam for you."
Damn. What do you people want from me? I am only human! You have my fingerprints, my picture (which if I were Amish, would be a major issue...what do they do about the
Amish?), my entire life history. Luckily, I don't have any major psychological/drug/alcohol issues (that anyone knows about ;)), but if I did, that would have to go on there as well. What else do you want, you evil bar examiners???? My first born child. Well, fine...take him/her...
Oh, well. It is done...all there is left to do now is pray....and, again, if I were Amish, this would not be a problem...but I am Methodist....so I will go to a potluck...or play softball...or have a progressive dinner...something like that.
**And on a side note: what is up with my obsession with the Amish?